


Giving up on a loveless life

by A_Nobelmonster



Series: nicky drabble collection [2]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, PTSD, Past Abuse, mentions of conversion camps, past unconsenual drug use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-02-18 13:40:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13101348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Nobelmonster/pseuds/A_Nobelmonster





	Giving up on a loveless life

Nicky realizes six months into his stay in Germany that he like likes Erik, he gets dizzy more often than not when he see’s the taller boy. 

When he becomes aware of his feelings he’s watching Erik in the livingroom messing around on the piano. He thinks i’m in love and oh god no. 

at the Heavens Gate he had been drugged consistently, it was part of a test, did the movie make him sick? did the story make him dizzy? did he finally reject the darkness in his heart?

he doesn’t want that to be an association he has with Erik. who has only ever been kind and patient and warm.

Warm enough that Nicky had no idea how long he had been cold for. 

This Nicky, in Germany, this Nicky is fine. He can lock away his emotions behind joining the football team and doing chores for the house. 

but he can’t. there seems to be a part of him that will not stay locked up in his throat. will not dissipate with prayer. 

Erik kisses him when they are at the park, drenched in rain and laughing. Nicky doesn’t vomit until he notices the family strolling by them. He thought since it had felt right that maybe it was fine 

he’s bent over for a half hour with worried comforting hands on his back. 

If it were up to him that would be the end but Erik does not scare easily.

Not when Nicky tells him about the conditioning, the medicine and the copper coils. He kisses the burns on Nickys fingertips while the smaller boy lays down from nausea. 

things he could never tell any counselors outside of the camp for fear of getting taken away from his parents. Stories he had to live and learn from carefully. 

when he says it out loud it sound every bit as awful as it had felt but he had been used to as a source without credit. 

he was a child and what he knew was that the promise of love made most things bearable. 

Erik is nothing he has to endure or overcome or hurt for

He waits for Nicky to feel worthy before he bleeds

the sun will rise and we will try again

he is the sun, coming back to raise Nicholas every morning. 

Nicholas thinks i’m in love and i will be ok. 

and prays that God loves Erik in equal measure.


End file.
